Drawn Together by Love: Episode 54 « Thread Started on Nov 4, 2009, 12:42am »
SEA OF TROUBLES, PART II
Part 1
The show opens once again on a shot of the ocean. We again see the outline of a large cruise ship. The camera cuts to Toot standing on deck in her swimsuit.
Toot: Yeah, this is Part Two. We've decided we're not going to recap what happened in Part One. You can read these in pretty much any order you want, so if you're going to be a complete moron and read Part Two first, then, well... you deserve to be thoroughly confused. And if you just FORGOT what happened in Part One, then you're probably the sort of person who'll forget to pick up your kids from school. So while you're scrambling out the door to go get those snot-nosed brats like you were supposed to do five hours ago, we'll get on with the story. Okay, now let's pick up where we left off.
The scene changes to the exact moment we left the story in the previous episode. We see Foxxy open the door to Unusually Flexible Girl's cabin. We instantly see Captain Hero, dressed only in his underwear, sitting on the bed next to UFG, who is under the covers, but who appears to be completely naked. Hero has his arm around her, hugging her. Hero looks up to see Foxxy glaring at him.
Hero: Foxxy! No! This is not what you think!
Foxxy glares at Hero for a moment, then without saying a word, she turns around, slamming the door behind her, and storms off. Hero sits on the bed looking flabbergasted for a moment, then quickly gets up. Without even bothering to put his clothes back on, he hurries out the door in pursuit of Foxxy. UFG sits on the bed looking surprised. The scene cuts to Foxxy marching down the deck, extremely upset. Hero, clad only in his underwear, runs up behind her. He grabs her shoulder to make her stop.
Hero: Foxxy! Foxxy, stop!
Seething with rage, Foxxy turns around.
Foxxy: No, Hero. YOU stop! You stop encouraging that redheaded whore of an ex-girlfriend of yours before it leads to something actually happening between you two! Oh, wait. It already did!
Hero: No, Foxxy. You don't understand. Nothing happened between Unusually Flexible Girl and me. Really!
Foxxy: Why should I believe you?
Hero: Because I'm telling the truth.
Foxxy: Hero, I once dated this guy who one day I happened to walk in on having sex with my best friend. His explanation was that he dropped his keys in her vagina and was fishing them out with his penis. And you what? I'm more inclined to believe HIM than you right now!
Hero: Well, actually, I can see how that could happen. I mean, if she happens to sit down on your keys while she's naked, they could easily get stuck up there. And if you try to use a finger or something to fish them out, your nail could scratch the inside of her sugar walls, so if you think about it, sending the penis in is definitely the way to go in that case. (Foxxy stares at Hero in complete disbelief.)
Foxxy: (after staring for a moment) Hero, you know, my anger is actually starting to subside now.
Hero: (excited) Really?
Foxxy: Yes. My feelings of anger toward you are starting to be totally overcome by my amazement at how epically mind-numbingly stupid you are!
Hero: Thanks!
Foxxy: You really believe that, don't you? You go to Unusually Flexible Girl's cabin, knowing what the situation is with her, somehow end up with both your clothes off, I walk in you with your arm around her, the two of you having done God knows what to each other, and somehow you STILL persist in believing that it's all completely innocent. I thought maybe you were trying to deceive me, Hero, but I guess you really are just that stupid.
Hero: That's right!
Foxxy: Hero, while it's admirable that you want to make your ex-girlfriend feel better, did it ever occur to you that when you're engaged to somebody else, a mercy screw is just a tad inappropriate?
Hero: Mercy screw? Don't be silly, Foxxy. Captain Hero doesn't do mercy screws. If he sleeps with a girl, it's because he wants to!
Foxxy: Really.
Hero: That's right!
Foxxy: Oh, that just makes everything better!
Hero: Well, perfect! Well, what do you know, this didn't take as much time to sort out as I thought it would! (He starts to turn away.) In that case, Foxxy, I think I'll go back to our cabin for a bit. Come and get me when it's time for the rehearsal, okay? (He turns, but then cranes his head back toward Foxxy for a moment.) Oh, say, Foxxy. If you're going by Unusually Flexible Girl's cabin, could you fetch my tux for me? Thanks. (Hero turns and starts to walk away.)
Foxxy: Hero, stop right this minute. (Hero stops. Confused, he turns back to Foxxy.) Hero, are you serious? Do you seriously expect us to still have a rehearsal after this?
Hero: Why not?
Foxxy: Hero, I just caught you with your ex-girlfriend practically naked! And not only do you expect to still marry me, you expect us to just pick up our business right where we left it without even so much as an argument! I mean... God, Hero! Do you not get it? Do you not get it at all?
Hero: Get what?
Foxxy: No, of course you don't. Tell you what, Hero. You go back to your cabin and do whatever it is you're planning to do there. Or maybe I should say, WHOEVER it is you're planning to do there!
Hero: Well, that would be you, Foxxy, but I didn't think you wanted to have sex until the wedding. Or did you mean for me to do myself?
Foxxy: No, Hero, I was actually expecting you to have round two with Unusually Flexible Girl. Although now that you mention it, I *would* like to ask you to go back to your cabin and go-
The scene instantly cuts to Toot and Clara walking in a nearby part of the ship.
Clara: So what about the rehearsal? What happened to that?
Toot: What do you mean?
Clara: Are they still having it?
Toot: Why wouldn't they?
Clara: Well, it's the time when we said we were going to have it and we do not seem to actually be AT it. Furthermore, nobody seems to know where it's going to be... and where the hell have the rest of our housemates gotten to?
Toot: Well, let's see, Xandir's probably having sex with a cabin boy, Spanky's probably masturbating... (As Clara looks mildly creeped out, Toot suddenly becomes thoughtful.) But now that you mention it, what happened to our husbands? Weren't we all together earlier?
Clara: Yes.
Toot: I know what we'll do. We'll go talk to Foxxy again and then just follow her to the rehearsal. Or you can follow Foxxy. I'll follow Hero. I'd rather look at his butt than hers.
Clara: Couldn't we just walk alongside them?
Toot: Oh, that's right, you're not so big on the butts.
Clara: So where are they, anyway? Foxxy and Hero, I mean.
Toot: Well, let me see. When last we left our intrepid lovers, they were-
Clara: Stop that!
Toot: We left Hero at Unusually Flexible Girl's cabin, and I think Foxxy was going there too.
Clara: Yeah, after you tipped her off about it!
Toot: So what's the big deal? I keep telling you, Clara, it's not like there was anything actually happening between them!
Clara: I know, just... there could be trouble, that's all.
Toot: Trouble? Come on, Clara. There won't be any trouble.
Cut back to Foxxy and Hero.
Foxxy: Of course there's going to be trouble! Honestly, Hero! What the hell were you thinking, going back to her place like that? So tell me this. Did you know before you went back there that you were going to sleep with her, or did you just barge into her place like an idiot, saw her there all pretty and... ex-girlfriendy... and decided, hey, as long as I'm here!
Hero: No, Foxxy! It wasn't like that! I didn't sleep with her at all! (Toot and Clara walk up behind Foxxy and begin watching the scene in shock.)
Foxxy: So you're telling me that she wasn't naked under that sheet.
Hero: Well, yeah, she was naked. (Foxxy raises her eyebrows.) But her nudity had nothing to do with me! I swear! She was already naked before I went in there!
Foxxy: Oh, I see. And since SHE was already naked, you figured that you would be remiss if you did not take off your clothes as well and share in her nudity.
Hero: Um...
Foxxy: So what do you have to say for yourself, Hero?
Hero: Um... um... no hablo ingles?
Foxxy: Goodbye, Hero. I'm going to pack up my things and stay in another cabin for the remainder of the cruise. I wish you and your stretchy ex-girlfriend a lifetime of happiness together until you dump her again next week. (Hero stands there stunned. Foxxy turns and starts to walk away.)
Toot: Looks like you were right, Clara. There's trouble.
Clara: (making the donkey face) Uh, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Foxxy, so frustrated she hardly seems to notice their presence, walks between Toot and Clara. Toot grabs Foxxy to stop her.
Toot: Stop. Foxxy, wait!
Foxxy: Rehearsal's off, you guys. You can change back into your swim clothes now.
Toot: Really? Cool! But that's actually not what we need to talk to you about right now.
Foxxy: (irritated, but willing to listen) What?
Clara: Foxxy, you've got it all wrong. Captain Hero didn't sleep with Unusually Flexible Girl. He had a perfectly legitimate excuse for being in her cabin.
Foxxy: Oh, did he, now?
Toot: (turning toward Hero) Hero, just tell her, okay? (She turns to Foxxy.) And Foxxy, please hear him out. Okay?
Clara: The truth will set you free, Foxxy.
Toot: As will worn-out cliches.
Foxxy sighs, still very irritated. However, she looks at Hero, prepared to listen to his explanation. Hero begins.
Hero: Thank you. Now, then, Foxxy, I will tell you what happened.
The scene changes to a flashback from earlier that morning. We see Hero walking down the deck away from Foxxy after their fight.
Hero: (voice over) I knew I had been an idiot over the whole Unusually Flexible Girl situation. And I knew that no matter how much I protested that I wanted to be with you and not her, I knew there was only way I was going to be able to put your mind at ease over the situation. I knew it would hurt her, but for the sake of my relationship with you, I had no choice but to go to Unusually Flexible Girl's cabin and tell her that I could never see her again. After I got done talking to her in her cabin, at least. I still had to see her while I was telling her I couldn't see her. But after I got done telling her, that was when the not seeing her would officially begin. (We see Hero approach UFG's cabin.) But when I got to her cabin...
Hero arrives at UFG's cabin and knocks on the door.
UFG: Go away! I don't want to see anybody right now!
Hero: Unusually Flexible Girl, I know you're upset right now... and I know that I'm partly responsible. But I really need to talk to you.
UFG: Captain Hero, I appreciate the gesture, but could you please come back later? I'm not in a condition to talk to anyone right now!
Hero: Coming back later really isn't an option, Unusually Flexible Girl. My entire relationship with Foxxy is at stake. What I have to say really cannot wait. So can I come in?
UFG: No, Captain Hero. I am very much indisposed at the moment.
Hero: Indisposed? (He thinks for a minute.) What, are you naked?
UFG: Well, yes, but that's not really relevant to-
The door flings wide open. Hero barges in.
Hero: Then it's okay! I've seen you naked lots of times! We really don't have any secrets from each other on the nudity front at this point. (Hero sees UFG in bed. His eyebrows raise in surprise.) Oh, my!
The camera cuts to Unusually Flexible Girl. She has a sheet pulled up to her shoulders. We see that next to her in the bed is none other than Reverend Smack Daddy. UFG is very nervous and somewhat self-conscious.
Reverend: Hey, Captain Hero!
Hero: What the hell? Smack Daddy?
Reverend: One and the same!
At that moment, Toot and Clara burst through the door.
Clara: Smack Daddy? What the hell?
Toot: Dun dun dunnnnnnnn!
UFG: Oh, look, now the whole gang is here. Thank you all for coming out to wallow in my shame.
Hero: (looking at Toot and Clara) What the hell are you two doing here? I thought you were with your husbands and everyone else.
Clara: Oh, Wooldoor came around and started harassing me again for being a whore, so I ditched.
Toot: He wasn't harassing me for acting like a whore, but Clara happened to point out that Wooldoor was also a rabbi and that he could theoretically start laying the Jewish guilt thing on me if he wanted to, so I decided I'd better ditch too before he got started on that. (She turns to UFG.) Aren't rabbis the worst? (Smack Daddy starts to get up.)
Reverend: (turning to UFG) I think I'm going to go up on deck and enjoy this beautiful sunshine that God has given us. And maybe enjoy the beautiful bikini-clad females that God also created for us to enjoy. But I ain't gonna do nothing with 'em, cause that wouldn't be right, cause I ain't married to 'em. I'm just gonna admire 'em. And that's okay. Would you like to come join me?
UFG: Not right now.
Reverend: Suit yourself.
Smack Daddy gets out of bed. He is completely naked. Clara quickly averts her eyes in horror while Toot stands there looking perplexed. Smack Daddy steps into some swim trunks and puts on a very pimp-looking jacket, but no shirt. He slides a pair of sunglasses on his face, then cocks his head and walks out the door. The others all turn to UFG.
Toot: Oh my God! I mean... oh my God! What the hell was that?
Clara: (looking back up and removing her hand from her face) Did we really just see that?
UFG: Again... I'm gonna have to return to my previous position of "I'd rather not talk about it, could you please all leave?".
Hero: In a minute. First, I think we need to know what happened here.
UFG: What happened here? What do you THINK happened here?
Hero: Well, *I* know what probably happened, but it'll probably need to be explained for Clara's benefit.
Clara: (staring at Hero) Thank you, Hero.
Hero: Don't mention it!
Toot: So. You and Smack Daddy.
UFG: Yes, I think that's been established.
Toot: Now that's a pairing I'd never have counted on!
UFG: (sighing, resigning herself to the situation) I know... me either.
Clara: How is you two hooking up even possible? I thought he had this big embargo on premarital sex.
Unusually Flexible sighs and takes a deep breath. She holds up her hand. There is a wedding band on her finger. The others draw back in surprise.
Toot: Oh, wow!
Clara: Oh, my!
Hero: Did you just do this to steal mine and Foxxy's thunder?
UFG, still rather upset, says nothing. She looks down. Hero walks over to her and sits down on the bed beside her.
Hero: Unusually Flexible Girl?
UFG: Yes?
Hero: Do you want to talk about this?
UFG: Not really.
Hero: I see. (Hero pauses for a moment. He takes a deep breath and looks at Toot and Clara.) Okay. This is a bit of a problem.
Clara: Yes, it definitely is.
Toot: Why?
Hero: What do you mean, why, Toot?
Toot: Why is this a problem? From what I can tell, this solves everything!
Hero: Whatchoo talking about, Toot?
Toot: Well... she's YOUR ex, and Reverend Smack Daddy is Foxxy's ex. Now both of them are paired up with each other and out of the way! You and Foxxy have nothing else to worry about! (At that moment, UFG buries her face in her hands and begins crying again. Clara and Hero looks at her with concern. Toot looks confused.) What?
Hero: Toot, I think you'd better go. (Hero looks at Clara.) You should probably go too, Clara. I think Unusually Flexible Girl needs some privacy right now.
Toot: Yeah... I guess that makes sense. (Toot and Clara start to walk toward the door. They stop briefly as Toot turns to Hero, who now has his arm around Unusually Flexible Girl, comforting her.) What about you, Hero? Are you coming with us?
Hero: (looking at UFG) Would you like to be alone right now?
UFG: (thinking for a moment) No. No, it's okay, Hero. You can stay.
Hero: Okay. Then I will. (He turns to Toot and Clara.) You two run along. I'll join you shortly.
Clara: Hero, are you sure this is a good idea? I don't think Foxxy would like you being here.
Hero: She needs me, Clara. And I want to be there for her. Foxxy will understand.
Toot: Are you sure?
Hero: Don't worry, Toot. Nothing will happen. I promise.
Toot: All right. We believe you.
With that, Toot and Clara exit while Hero sits on the bed comforting UFG. The scene changes back to the group.
Toot: So you see, Foxxy? Hero didn't have any intention of sleeping with Unusually Flexible Girl. Smack Daddy was the one she hooked up with! Hero was just there to comfort her. That's all!
Clara: She's right, Foxxy. Toot and I saw it happen. There was nothing sexual going on. Just one friend comforting another.
Toot: Yeah.
Foxxy: Okay... maybe. But if that's the case... (She turns to Hero.) Then why the hell was you in your underwear?
Toot: Well, that's just because- (Suddenly, the strangeness of the statement hits her. Toot turns to Hero in confusion.) Yeah, why WERE you in your underwear?
Hero: (looking slightly embarrassed) Um... well... under the circumstances, I just felt like taking my clothes off would be the proper thing to do.
Toot: (after looking at Hero for a moment) Okay, we're not helping you anymore.
Hero: No, no, no! Let me explain!
Foxxy: I really don't think I have time for another flashback.
Hero: Well, flashbacks are easier for me than using words. Here, I'll show you.
The scene changes back to Hero and UFG. Hero has his arm around her.
UFG: Thank you for doing this, Hero.
Hero: It's no problem. Really.
UFG: Hero, I don't want to come between you and Foxxy. Really I don't.
Hero: I know.
UFG: Thanks for doing this, but I think the girls were right. If Foxxy knew you were here, she'd be very upset. I appreciate the gesture, but for the sake of your relationship, I think you'd better leave.
Hero: Please, don't talk about that. This is not about me and Foxxy. This is about me and you.
UFG: Me and you? Okay.
Hero: So what happened? With Smack Daddy, I mean. What on earth caused you to hook up with HIM, of all people?
UFG: Well... it was right after you and Foxxy left the bar last night.
The scene changes to the bar the previous night. UFG narrates as we see the scene being played out. We see Foxxy drag Hero out of the bar. UFG stands looking very frustrated. She sits down, on the verge of tears. She begins sobbing.
UFG: (voice over) I was nearly at the end of my rope. I didn't feel I had a friend left in the world when suddenly... he walked up. (Reverend Smack Daddy walks up.)
Reverend: Excuse me, fine lady. Is this seat taken?
UFG: (looking up to see Smack Daddy) No, not at all. Sit down. (As the scene in the bar continues to play out, we hear Toot's voice cut in, talking over the action.)
Toot: (voice over) Now hold on a second! A flashback within another flashback? Isn't that a bit much?
Foxxy: (voice over) Quiet, Toot. I think I'd like to hear Unusually Flexible Girl's side of events. She's a bit more reliable a narrator than Captain Hero.
Clara: (voice over) Yes, but her monologue is coming WITHIN a flashback by Captain Hero!
Foxxy: (voice over) Be that as it may.
Clara: (voice over) Does that phrase even MEAN anything?
The meta dialogue stops. We begin hearing the conversation in the bar again.
Reverend: Speaking of Jesus, are you a believer in the Lord, madam?
UFG: Actually, Reverend... I'm Jewish.
Reverend: Really? With that nose? (Unusually Flexible Girl rolls her eyes and sighs. Smack Daddy persists, however.) Well, it don't matter what your nose looks like, to be honest. What I'm mainly concerned with is that smoking hot ass you got behind you there!
UFG: Look, let's just cut to the chase, okay? Are you trying to pick me up? Because I'm really not in the mood right now.
Reverend: Pick you up? No way, sugar! I don't believe in casual hookups!
UFG: Good. Cause you'd just be wasting your time. I honestly can't see any reason that I would ever sleep with you.
Reverend: Well, that's okay. I wouldn't sleep with you either.
UFG: (by this point almost too jaded to care anymore) Yeah, well, join the club, pal.
Reverend: Now it's not cause I don't like you, understand. It's cause I don't believe men and women should have sex with each other unless they's properly married first. (UFG hangs her head in frustration and covers her face with her hands. Smack Daddy persists.) Now if you decided that you was willing to marry me in the next few minutes... now that's a different story. (UFG uncovers her face and looks up, very much alarmed. The scene changes back to her and Hero in bed together.)
UFG: So the next thing I knew, he had flagged down the captain of the ship and we got married right there in the bar. (She pauses briefly.) I knew it was a dumb idea. But the second he mentioned marriage... I snapped. I know that if I was in my right mind, I never would have agreed to it so quickly, but I was depressed and lonely, and thinking about Nana again... and suddenly all I could think about was the fact that I had a husband right there in front of me. Even if he wasn't exactly the kind of guy I'd bring home to Mother.
Hero: Wow. That's unbelievable.
UFG: So now what do I do? I not only degraded and debased myself, but I'm now stuck in a marriage to some sleazy hypocritical player wannabe!
Hero: (turning to UFG) What if I pushed him overboard for you? (UFG looks at him strangely.) I've killed before. I'm not proud of it. (He thinks for a minute.) Except Bambi. That little prick had it coming.
UFG: No, Hero. Don't hurt him. I got myself into this mess. I'll have to be the one to get myself out of it.
Hero: Well, there's got to be something I can do to help you.
UFG: Thanks, Hero. But I don't think so.
Hero: Well... okay, then. (There is silence for a few seconds. After a pause, Hero speaks up.) I'm hungry. (He turns to UFG.) You got any food here?
UFG: Uh, well... I have some leftover spaghetti from dinner last night. You can have it, I guess.
Hero: (getting up) Thanks! (As UFG sits under the covers looking confused, Hero walks over to the small fridge. He opens it and gets out the spaghetti. He grabs a fork and walks back over to the bed. Before he sits down, however, he begins to think.) Hmm... now that I think about it, spaghetti's kind of messy. I'd better take my clothes off so I don't get spaghetti all over them.
Hero sets down the spaghetti, then quickly undresses. Now in his underwear, he sits down on the bed and begins eating the spaghetti. UFG continues to sit there trying to take everything in.
Hero: (back in the real world, to Foxxy) So you see? I *did* have a good reason to take my clothes off! Now just admit it. You'd have been pretty mad if I'd tried to get married in a dirty tux!
Foxxy: Well... you had obviously finished your spaghetti by the time I walked in. Can you explain to me why upon finishing your meal, you didn't put your clothes back on?
Hero: Um... in case we had dessert?
Foxxy looks at Hero for a moment, then hangs her head down and sighs.
Foxxy: My God.
Clara: Mine too!
Foxxy: You know what, Hero? I believe you. I actually believe you.
Hero: (surprised) Really?
Foxxy: Yes, really. I am now completely convinced that you were not cheating on me at all.
Hero: (still surprised, but very pleased) Okay!
Foxxy: I thought that maybe you were fooling around with your ex-girlfriend and trying to cover for it, but now I realize. You're not clever enough to do that!
Hero: No, I'm not! (He suddenly realizes he isn't being complimented.) Wait.
Foxxy: Hero, all the while you've been telling me this, only one thought has crossed my mind. If this is honestly, truly, honest to God actually what happened, then you have to be the biggest idiot on this entire ship to let yourself get into that kind of predicament, knowing the situation between us right now. And believe it or not, a part of me was actually hoping that you WERE fooling around with her, because that would at least mean that there was a remote possibility that somewhere in that big head of yours was a single brain cell that was somewhat functional. I realized that only a true moron could get himself into such a situation and then not even have presence of mind enough to try to hide it from me. Well, Captain Hero, guess what? You are that moron.
Hero: Wait. So you believe my story about not cheating on you... but you're still mad at me? I don't get it.
Foxxy: Of course you don't. (Foxxy sighs and starts to turn away.) I think I'm going to go walk around for a while. I have a lot of thinking to do.
Hero: Foxxy, the wedding's still on, isn't it?
Foxxy: I don't know.
Hero: Oh, Foxxy, please don't do this. I know I'm not the smartest guy around, but you know how I feel about you. Shouldn't that be the most important thing? Come on, Foxxy. No matter what kind of problems we're having... you KNOW we're meant for each other!
Foxxy: I don't know, Hero. (She sighs.) I don't know. (She turns and starts walking away.) I'll talk to you guys later. I need to be alone for a while right now.
Clara: Does this mean-?
Foxxy: Yes, Clara, the rehearsal is off. You can change out of your formal clothes now.
Clara: (doing a fist pump) Yes! (She turns to see Hero looking at her, slightly irritated.) Well, it's a silver lining, isn't it?
Hero looks sad for a moment, then turns and begins to walk away. Clara suddenly becomes regretful.
Clara: (calling after him) Hero, I'm sorry! I didn't mean anything!
Hero: (walking away) It's not your fault, Clara.
Toot: Are you going to be okay?
Hero: Ask Foxxy. That question's up to her. (Hero goes out of sight. Clara and Toot turn and look at each other. Neither says anything for a moment.)
Clara: (after a moment) So.
Toot: Yeah. (They pause. Toot turns back to Clara.) So get back in our swimsuits now?
Clara: Sure, why not? Might as well go be a whore for Wooldoor again.
Toot nods. The scene changes back to UFG's cabin. She is now alone again. She sits staring into space for a moment, not quite knowing how she wants to react. Finally, she sighs and hangs her head. She buries her face in her hands and begins sobbing. At that moment, the door flies open. Wooldoor bursts in, a crazed look in his eyes.
Wooldoor: I heard there was fornicating going on in here! I hope I'm not too late! (UFG continues sobbing. Wooldoor looks at her with concern.) Mandy?
UFG: Hello, Wooldoor.
Wooldoor: What's going on?
UFG: (trying to speak through her tears) You're right, Wooldoor. There is fornicating going on in here. Or there was.
Wooldoor: There was? Who was it?
UFG: Who do you think? It was me. (Wooldoor cautiously walks over to UFG. He simply stands looking at her.) Oh, Wooldoor, I've done a terrible thing! I married that awful rapper who calls himself a Christian and then I had sex with him! And even worse, I think I broke up Hero and Foxxy's engagement! (Still in tears, she looks over at Wooldoor, who is looking very serious.) It's okay, Wooldoor. Go ahead and judge me for what I did. I deserve it.
Wooldoor walks over to UFG and sits down next to her. He takes her hand.
Wooldoor: Mandy, no. I don't want to judge you. I want to make you feel better.
UFG: (showing some hope) Really?
Wooldoor: Really. (He begins comforting her.) Now what's wrong?
UFG: Oh, Wooldoor, you wouldn't understand.
Wooldoor: They told me I wouldn't understand quantum physics, either, but I did. So go ahead and tell me what's going on.
UFG: Well... I came on this cruise to have a good time and share in the joy that two of my closest friends were getting married. But I couldn't do that because Foxxy got it into her head that I was trying to get Captain Hero back, so the two of them just kept shutting me out. All that did was just drive it deeper and deeper into my head how alone I was. I mean, I do kind of have a boyfriend, but he seemed to be a lot more concerned with following this other girl around than paying attention to ME.
Wooldoor: Really? That's terrible, Mandy! Who is this guy? I'm going to go give him a good punch in the face!
UFG: Um, you.
Without missing a beat, Wooldoor punches himself in the face extremely hard, knocking himself off the bed. He immediately gets back up, face bruised, sits back down on the bed, and puts his arm around UFG.
Wooldoor: Now, then. Continue.
As UFG continues to unburden herself, the scene changes back to Hero. We are now back to the frame story. Hero is standing on the deck looking out at the ocean again. He is back in his tux, while his inner monologue takes over.
Hero: (inner monologue) I'm glad that Wooldoor told me what happened after I left. Otherwise, it would have been very tricky to have a flashback of that scene since I wasn't around for it. (He looks down at his clothes with a hint of confusion.) And why did I put my tux back on, anyway? Oh, well, it doesn't matter. What matters is how things are with Foxxy. And right now... they're not good. Not good at all. I'd go try to chase her down if I had any idea where to find her... or if there was a chance that I could actually come up with something to say to change her mind. Not very good with the words I am. All I know is how I feel about Foxxy. Too bad there can't be someone else. Someone else who can solve this entire problem by coming up with the words that Foxxy wants to hear right now.
The scene changes back to Foxxy's parallel scene.
Foxxy: (inner monologue) I knew the kind of person Hero was when I first got involved with him. That much hasn't changed. So I honestly don't know why I should be surprised by all this. But somehow... I am. (Foxxy pauses for a moment to look at the ocean. After a moment, she resumes.) So what was it that changed? Was it the no-sex pact that did it? Maybe Hero's irritating tendencies were tolerable when we had the sex, but if you take that out of the equation... maybe we're not such a fit couple after all. (She pauses for a moment again.) If I were a weaker person, I'd just give in and go have sex with him so we could try to fix the relationship. But I don't know... somehow... that doesn't feel like the right way to do things. And who knows? (She looks down.) At this point... is our relationship even salvageable? Could we EVER make it all the way back to the way we were? (At that point, we hear a lonely violin play the first few notes of "The Way We Were".) I hate this stupid incidental music.
The violin stops. Foxxy continues to look out at the ocean. She is very thoughtful. After a moment, she is arrested by a voice behind her.
Voice: Foxxy?
Foxxy turns to see UFG standing behind her. She sighs exasperatedly.
Foxxy: I don't know where Captain Hero is, Unusually Flexible Girl. So don't even bother to ask me.
UFG: (apologetically) I'm not looking for Hero, Foxxy. I was looking for you.
Foxxy's face tenses up. She seems to be on the verge of telling UFG off. However, her patience wins out, and she decides to be diplomatic. She looks at UFG calmly.
Foxxy: All right. What did you want?
UFG: Foxxy, I never meant to cause any trouble between you and Captain Hero. Honestly, I didn't. If I had known my presence would be this problematic, I would never have asked to even come on this cruise. In fact, when Wooldoor first invited me to go, I actually turned him down because I thought it might be rather awkward. I didn't want to tell him the truth, so I made up that excuse about taking my other nana to a Hummel convention.
Foxxy: Oh, really? So your other nana didn't really die, then.
UFG: No, she did actually die. It was the part about the Hummel convention that was a lie.
Foxxy: Oh. Well, I'm very sorry, then.
UFG: Nah, don't be. I wasn't that close to this nana. Her name was Taking Jewishness To Ungodly Levels Woman. She was like, my mother times two!
Foxxy: I see. (She pauses for a moment.) So what changed your mind? (UFG looks at Foxxy.) What made you decide to go to the wedding after all?
UFG: I was at my nana's funeral. And for some reason, instead of being sad at her being dead, all I could think about was the fact that two of my best friends were about to start a lifetime of happiness together and I wasn't going to be there for it. And that made me even sadder than my nana dying.
Foxxy: I see.
UFG: I tried to resist the impulse to show up at your door right as you were about to leave and invite myself to the wedding at the last minute. "Don't do it, Mandy," I told myself. "It will just cause problems." But then, I happened to think to myself, "No, Mandy. That might be a valid fear if you were dealing with someone else. But this is Foxxy Love we're dealing with. The most sensible, levelheaded person in the entire world. If there's anybody in the world I can trust to be mature about this whole issue, it's her." So yeah, maybe this would have been an issue for most couples. (She looks at Foxxy.) But somehow, I knew in my heart that you two would be able to rise above it.
UFG turns away. There is silence for a moment. Neither woman looks at the other. After a prolonged pause, Foxxy finally speaks up.
Foxxy: Yeah... maybe you're right. (UFG turns back to Foxxy.)
UFG: Foxxy, I don't want to cause problems. Really, I don't. And even if Hero did end up back with me somehow, I know that he'd never be even half as happy as he is with you right now. Really. It was hard for me to accept, but I finally did. You and Hero are meant to be together. And it wouldn't be right for me to do anything that might keep that from happening. So, Foxxy, if this is what it takes for you and Hero to fix things... then I'll promise never to see him again for as long as I live.
Foxxy looks at UFG for a moment before speaking.
Foxxy: No... no, don't do that. This wasn't your fault. Now that I think about it, you've never done anything with the intent to break me and Hero up to get him back for yourself. It was all just me being jealous.
UFG: You were jealous of ME? Why?
Foxxy: Well, because I know what things were like when you two dated. Nothing but hot, wild, kinky sex all the time.
UFG: Well, yeah, but-
Foxxy: And I know what you're going to say. "But we didn't have love." And that may be true. But still... maybe there's a part of the brain that just can't help getting worked up about ANY part of a past relationship that might be better than what it is with you.
UFG: I guess I can see that. But even then, Foxxy... do you seriously think that Hero and I might have had wilder sex than what you guys have?
Foxxy: You have those stretchy powers. I'm sure Captain Hero likes that.
UFG: He does, but... I think he likes the sexual allure of a hot black chick a lot more.
Foxxy: (after thinking for a moment) Yeah. Yeah, maybe he does. (She starts to smile, but the smile quickly leaves her face as she thinks of another issue.) Actually... that probably doesn't make things better. Now I'm starting to wonder if maybe it was only the sex he liked with ME, too. Especially since ever since we stopped having sex, we've practically been at each other's throats.
UFG: Well, Foxxy, that doesn't mean you're a bad couple. When you're used to having something all the time and then you're suddenly deprived of it, you get stressed out about it. That's just the way things work! And when you're stressed out about something, you usually end up taking it out on whoever's convenient. Whoever that might happen to be.
Foxxy: You don't say.
UFG: Not to mention the fact that there's constant temptation, and there's no real reason you two can't have sex. But if it was different... if something happened where you two COULDN'T have sex... I'm sure things would be different. Like if he lost his penis in a horrible smelting accident. Or if your vagina suddenly sprouted vicious teeth inside it.
Foxxy: Frankly, I'm not sure that would stop Captain Hero. But I get the gist of what you're saying.
UFG: Right. I mean, it might be rough, but you'd find the strength to work through it. You know... because you love each other.
Foxxy: Right.
UFG: Well... that's all I have to say. (She turns and starts to walk away, then looks back at Foxxy.) I hope you and Captain Hero are able to work things out.
Foxxy: Thanks. I hope so too.
UFG nods and walks off. Foxxy looks out at the ocean again for a moment. She then nods her head, seemingly having come to a realization. She turns and walks away from the ship railing. We cut to Hero's own scene on the deck.
Hero: (inner monologue) Why does that dolphin smell like hot sauce?
Hero shakes his head. We see Foxxy walk up behind him.
Foxxy: Hello, Hero. (Hero turns around. His face lights up, but he has a slight air of hesitation.)
Hero: Foxxy?
Foxxy: Yes, Hero. (He quickly walks over to her.)
Hero: Foxxy, I didn't mean for anything to happen, I swear. And I'm sorry that I was so stupid about letting myself get into those situations.
Foxxy: Hero, it's okay. You don't have to try so hard. I know you didn't mean anything.
Hero: Foxxy, I know it was stupid for me to keep encouraging Unusually Flexible Girl like I did. Constantly rushing to her side whenever I felt like she needed someone. Foxxy, I can't lie. Unusually Flexible Girl is a very dear friend who will always be special to me. (Foxxy looks at Hero with an emotionless expression.) But I don't want to be with her romantically. (He takes Foxxy's hands.) I want to be with you.
Foxxy: Hero...
Hero: No, Foxxy, before you say anything, let me get this out. Since I've been with you, you have made me happy in every way possible. And every role that a person can fill in someone's life... I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine. My wife, my lover, my partner... and my best friend.
Foxxy: I thought Spanky was your best friend.
Hero: Well, Spanky's my buddy. I mean, he's the guy I drink with, talk about women with, and pull crazy frat boy pranks with... but that's not a best friend. (He looks at Foxxy.) YOU'RE my best friend.
Foxxy: Oh, Hero...
Hero: Do you want to be that TOO, Foxxy? Then it's done! Let's go get some beers, make lewd remarks about the cruise director's ass, and then pants Wooldoor and throw him off the deck!
Clara: (her voice in the distance) Ooh! Can I be in on that?
Foxxy: That's okay, Hero. You can keep doing all that with Spanky.
Hero: Okay.
Foxxy: But the rest of that stuff... yes. I would very much like to accept those positions in your life.
Hero: (beginning to smile) You would?
Foxxy: (now smiling also) Yes. Yes, I would.
Hero's face lights up. He throws his arms around Foxxy. The two hug for a moment, then proceed to kiss. As they continue to kiss for several moments, the scene fades.
Drawn Together by Love: Episode 54 « Reply #1 on Nov 4, 2009, 12:44am »
Part 2
The scene fades back up on the pool later that evening. Toot and Marty hang out in the water at the end of the pool chatting while Spanky sits in a pool chair talking to Dennis Franz, both of them in swim trunks. Spanky is fiddling with a fishing rod.
Spanky: Just watch, Dennis. I'm going to catch something this time. I swear I am.
Dennis: Spanky, how are you going to catch fish in a pool?
Spanky: I hooked up the pool's filter system to the rest of the ship's piping, which I capped with a new larger filter so as to allow fish to trickle into the pool from the ocean.
Dennis: Oh, of course.
Toot: Is that what I felt biting my toes earlier?
Marty: No, that was me.
Toot: Oh, okay.
Spanky casts his rod.
Dennis: You know, Spanky, when we were filming an episode of NYPD Blue, which as I'm sure you'll remember, I was a cast member on-
Spanky: You were going to work that in at some point, weren't you?
Dennis: Yeah, well, my residual checks are running out and I need some more work. But anyway, we were doing an episode where Sipowicz decided to retire and become a fisherman. But I cast my rod to catch a fish and I ended up hooking a murderer instead! Do you remember that one?
Spanky: Not really. Did you show your naked butt in it?
Dennis: No.
Spanky: That's why I don't remember it, then. (Just then, Spanky feels a tug on his line.) Ooh, I got something! I stopped using the shiny lure, so it's probably not Wooldoor this time. (Spanky proceeds to reel in his catch. He pulls back the rod to reveal a light green bikini top.) Ooh! Nice! (Spanky takes the top off the hook.) A bikini top! (He starts to look around lasciviously.) Hmm, so where's the newly topless woman this belongs to?
Spanky glances to his right. The smile immediately leaves his face. We see Xandir walk up to Spanky using his hands to cover his breasts.
Xandir: You bastard!
Xandir slaps Spanky in the face, takes back his bikini top, and stalks off. Dennis turns to Spanky, who is rubbing his jaw.
Dennis: You just going to take that from her? If some chick did that to Sipowicz, he would have responded by giving her a good, firm smack on the bottom!
Spanky: Yeah, I can't do that with this chick. She'd like it.
Dennis nods in acknowledgement. The scene cuts to another part of the pool, where Wooldoor and UFG, both in swimwear, sit on pool chairs talking. Wooldoor is holding her hands.
Wooldoor: Don't worry, Mandy. Everything will be fine. I'll get you out of this mess, I promise. I know some people. It shouldn't be any trouble getting this marriage of yours annulled.
UFG: Thank you, Wooldoor. But isn't it too late for that?
Wooldoor: What do you mean?
UFG: Smack Daddy and I have already consummated the relationship.
Wooldoor: So? I can still get you the annulment.
UFG: But Wooldoor, you're a priest. Doesn't the church frown on that?
Wooldoor: Well, yeah, but... well, sometimes, Mandy, it's more important to do what's right than to just strictly follow the rules.
UFG: Ah. That explains a lot.
At that moment, Clara walks up behind Wooldoor.
Clara: All right, Wooldoor. Let's just get this over with.
Wooldoor: (turning to Clara, confused) Get what over with?
Clara: Well, I'm in my swimsuit which means I'm showing my legs AND my cleavage. Plus, I'm barefoot again and carrying that smutty book, and my hair STILL smells like berries. And to top it all off, Ling-Ling and I just had sex and enjoyed it immensely, and I'm not even pregnant from it!
Wooldoor: Um... good for you, Clara?
UFG: (to Wooldoor) What's she talking about, Wooldoor?
Wooldoor: I don't know. (He ignores Clara and turns his full attention on UFG once more.) So anyway, Mandy, was Smack Daddy better in bed than Captain Hero? It doesn't really matter, cause once I turn legal, I'm going to beat them both!
Clara looks at Wooldoor in confusion, then raises her eyebrows. Realizing that Wooldoor is officially over his religious kick, she smiles slightly and shrugs, then walks over to another part of the pool. She sits down in a chair near the part of the pool where Toot and Marty are swimming.
Toot: So where's Ling-Ling?
Clara: Oh, he'll be along shortly. Right now he's apologizing to Hello Kitty for giving her a communicable disease.
Marty: Wait. The doll got a disease from Ling-Ling? But when- I mean... how-
Toot: Marty, you should know better by now than to ask things like that.
Marty: You're right. I should. (He looks back at Clara again.) So do you know how Hero and Foxxy made out?
Clara: In the most R-rated fashion possible, I'm sure.
Marty: No, I mean, did they settle their differences? (Clara gets up. Still holding her book, she walks over to the edge of the pool. She sits down and puts her feet in the water.)
Clara: I think so. I didn't ask a lot of questions, but things seem to be okay between them now.
Toot: Oh, good.
Marty: So what about the wedding? Are they still having it?
Clara: I don't know. But they've cancelled the rehearsal for the time being.
Toot: I'm not surprised. (At that moment, Toot jumps up slightly excitedly.) Ooh! (She looks at Marty seductively.) Someone's toes getting a little frisky all of a sudden?
Marty: I didn't touch you, Toot. Why, did you feel something? (Toot brow furrows. She looks over at Spanky in annoyance.)
Toot: Goddammit, Spanky!
We see that Spanky has put the fishing rod down. He and Dennis are now playing cards.
Spanky: What?
Toot: (sighing) Never mind. (Spanky turns back to the card game.)
Spanky: Got any fours?
Dennis: Go fish.
Spanky: Okay. (Spanky picks up his fishing rod again.)
Dennis: No, Spanky.
Spanky: Oh, right.
The scene cuts back over to Toot.
Toot: Okay, so if it wasn't Marty touching me, and it wasn't Spanky's fishing rod, then what was it I felt getting thrust up my-
At that moment, there is a giant splash. A dolphin suddenly surfaces in the pool right between Toot and Marty.
Dolphin: Kee-kee-kee-kee-keeeeeee!
Clara: Oh, my!
Marty: What the crap?
Toot: How did that thing make it through the filter?
The camera quickly cuts over to Wooldoor. He and UFG are playing pattycake- literally. He sees the dolphin. An extremely excited look forms in his eyes.
Wooldoor: Oh, boy! This is what I've been waiting for! (He springs up from his chair. Suddenly holding a fork in one hand, a bottle of hot sauce in the other, and wearing a bib around his neck, he jumps into the water.) Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
While Toot, Marty, and Clara look at the scene in complete confusion, Wooldoor dives toward the dolphin. He jumps onto the dolphin's back and tries to pour hot sauce onto its head. However, the dolphin bucks, sending Wooldoor tumbling, and makes a beeline toward the other end of the pool. Wooldoor takes off after it, accidentally bumping into Clara's leg in the process and causing her book to be sent flying toward the other end of the pool.
Toot: Oh, no, Clara! Your book! Want me to go get it for you and try to dry it out?
Clara: Eh, don't bother. I was getting kind of tired of it anyway. The more I read of that thing, the more glad I am to be married.
Wooldoor swims back up to the group from the other end of the pool.
Toot: So did you catch it?
Wooldoor: (disappointed) No. He swam through the other filter and got away.
Marty: Wait. Other filter? But how can-
Toot: Marty...
Marty: You're right. Never mind.
The camera cuts to Xandir swimming at the other end of the pool in his bikini. He is attempting to do water acrobatics.
Xandir: Ooh! Ooh! I almost nailed that toe pointy move! Now I'm one step closer to Fernando and me entering next year's synchronized swimming competition! (He sees an object floating up to him in the pool.) What's this? (He picks it up. It is Clara's book.) "He's Just Not That Into You"? (He pumps his fist.) Score!
Without even getting out of the water first, Xandir begins eagerly reading the book. The scene fades. It fades back up on Foxxy and Hero's cabin. Hero is in bed already while Foxxy is getting ready for bed.
Foxxy: You hungry, Hero? I have some spaghetti left over. Since you's already out of your clothes, you don't have to take them off to eat it!
Hero: I'm glad we've reached the point where we can joke about things like that. (He pauses for a moment, then becomes slightly worried.) Although it does make me a little troubled that there was apparently a huge spaghetti feast on this ship that I somehow seem to have missed. (Foxxy walks over to Hero holding a take-out box of spaghetti. She hands it to him, and as Hero begins eating it, she gets into bed herself. Hero holds out a forkful of spaghetti to Foxxy.) Want some?
Foxxy: That's okay. But thank you, though. (Hero nods and resumes eating the spaghetti.) Although now that I think about it, it probably wouldn't make a difference at this point if you DID get your tux dirty. You know, seeing as it don't seem we'll be having the wedding any time soon.
Hero: (looking slightly disappointed) Right. (He sighs. There is a pause for a moment. Foxxy turns the TV on and begins flipping through the channels. However, Hero remains still, seemingly doing some thinking. After a moment, he looks over at Foxxy.) Well... since you brought it up, we might as well discuss it.
Foxxy: Discuss what?
Hero: The wedding.
Foxxy: Right. (Foxxy turns off the TV and puts the remote on the nightstand next to her.)
Hero: What are we going to do about the wedding, Foxxy? (Foxxy looks down, not sure what to say.) We are still having it, right? I still want to get married. Don't you?
Foxxy: (looking at Hero now) Yes, Hero. Of course I do. No, we'll definitely still have the wedding at some point.
Hero: At some point?
Foxxy: Yeah. At some point.
Hero: Just not right now.
Foxxy: Well... just look at how much trouble we've gone through the last few days. I think maybe this was God's way of telling us this was not the time.
Hero: Maybe not.
Foxxy: So, yes, Hero. I definitely still want to get married at some point. But at this point, I think it would be best if we just forgot about the wedding for the time being and just relaxed and tried to enjoy the rest of the cruise. Then once we get back home, we'll give ourselves a little time and then maybe once things are back on more solid ground... we'll start discussing it again.
Hero: I guess maybe you're right. (He sighs.) It's just too bad, though. This tropical setting would have made an awesome backdrop for a wedding.
Foxxy: Yeah. (She pauses for a moment.) Yeah, it would.
There is another momentary silence. Hero continues eating his spaghetti while Foxxy picks the remote back up and begins flipping channels again. Suddenly, a thought crosses Foxxy's mind. A sly smile crosses her lips. She turns off the TV and puts down the remote, then turns to Hero.
Foxxy: Oh, Captain Hero?
Hero: What is it, Foxxy?
Foxxy: You know, a thought just occurred to me. Since the wedding is off now... (She looks at him seductively.) It means that we can bring this stupid no-sex pact to an end!
Hero's face lights up. As Foxxy continues to give him a seductive smile, Hero raises up in bed and smiles lasciviously back at her. However, he quickly changes expressions back to a more somber one. He slinks back to his previous spot. Foxxy looks confused.
Hero: No, that's okay, Foxxy. I think I'll wait.
Foxxy: (not understanding at all) Really? You don't want to have sex now? But this is what you've been harassing me for practically the entire cruise!
Hero: I know, Foxxy. But now that I think about it... you were right. I don't want our relationship to be about nothing but the sex. I love you, Foxxy, and I want to prove that I love you enough to keep this pact. It's okay. I can be strong. As long as I have your love and companionship, that's good enough for me. I can get by without the sex until the wedding.
Foxxy: But Hero, we have no idea how long that's going to be. It could still be MONTHS before we have the wedding.
Hero: That's okay, Foxxy. I can wait.
Foxxy: Are you sure?
Hero: I'm sure.
Foxxy: You're definitely not tempted to have sex? Not even a little?
Hero: Nope. Not at all.
Foxxy: Even if I do this?
Without missing a beat, Foxxy reaches her hand under the covers. Hero is very much taken aback, but the look on his face makes it clear that he is quite excited.
Foxxy: So you like the groping, do you? You want to have sex now?
Hero: I do like the groping, I have to admit. (He looks at her with the same serious expression.) But I'm still going to have to say no on the sex thing.
Foxxy looks at Hero questioningly. He gives her a determined but reassuring look. She smiles at him. He smiles back. Hero returns to his spaghetti. Foxxy puts down the remote and snuggles back into bed with a very satisfied look on her face. The scene fades.
The scene fades back up on a long shot of the ship. It is now the following morning. The sun is shining, and seagulls can be heard in the distance. The scene changes to Hero and Foxxy's cabin. The two of them are both sound asleep. Hero has his arm around Foxxy. As the two continue to sleep peacefully, a very faint clamor of voices can begin to be heard in the background. As the camera lingers on Hero and Foxxy's faces, the voices start to grow more audible. Finally, the door flies open. Several people burst into the room.
Wooldoor: Guys! Guys! Guys! Guys! Guys! Guys! Guys! Guys! Wake up! Wake up! Guys! Guys! Guys! Guys! Guys! Guys! Guys! Guys! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Guys! Guys! Guys! Wake up!
Hero and Foxxy begin to stir. Both very irritated, they open their eyes.
Foxxy: Wooldoor, what the hell? I thought I told you we didn't want no wake up call!
Wooldoor: Guys! Guys! Guys! Something very important's come up!
Hero: (slightly cranky) Just give us a minute, okay, Wooldoor?
Hero and Foxxy straighten up in bed. They see that the entire gang is standing in their cabin.
Foxxy: Uh... can we help you?
Spanky: Goddammit, they're not naked! (He turns to the others angrily.) What was the point of just barging in without knocking if they're not going to be naked?
Hero: Spanky, can this wait? Look, now that the wedding is off for the moment, Foxxy and I are trying to relax and just enjoy the cruise. So if it's okay with you guys, we'd like to sleep in for a bit, then get dressed at our leisure and go down and have breakfast. Whatever it is you guys have to say can wait until then, I'm sure.
Clara: No, actually, it can't.
Hero looks at Foxxy. She sighs. Hero sits back down on the bed and looks at the others begrudgingly.
Foxxy: Fine. What is it, y'all?
Toot: We just docked, you guys! We're in Hawaii now!
Foxxy: That's ridiculous! We ain't scheduled to land in Hawaii for another week!
Clara: Well, we won't be officially stopping at the main island until then. But apparently there's this dinky little island in the northern part of the state where the ship always stops to stock up on supplies before heading on to the main island.
Toot: That's where we are right now!
Hero: Right, and...?
Toot: Oh, my God. This is unbelievable. Do you guys not see it at ALL?
Foxxy: See what, Toot?
Toot: You guys... you can have your WEDDING!
Foxxy: Say what now?
Toot: You can have your wedding right there on the beach! Seriously, we all went out and looked at it. It would be the PERFECT spot!
Clara: Right! But the ship's only going to be docked for two more hours. So if you want to have this wedding, you don't have time to sleep in. You need to get your asses up and get ready for it NOW!
Hero and Foxxy look at each other.
Hero: Well... what do you think, Foxxy?
Foxxy: I don't know. It COULD work.
Hero: Right, but... remember all the trouble we got into rushing into things before? This would totally be rushing into things even worse!
Foxxy: Right, it would... but... (She looks at Hero, then at the others, then back at Hero once more.)
Hero: But...?
Foxxy: But... (Foxxy collects herself and looks at the others.) Screw that! (The others all start to become excited. Foxxy looks at Hero again.) Let's do it, Hero. Let's go get married today.
Hero: You're not worried about being too hasty?
Foxxy: Well, yes, Hero. It's true that sometimes you can get burned rushing into things too soon. But sometimes... you just have to take risks, you know? You have to strike while the opportunity is there. So maybe this is a bit rash, but... I want to get married on the beach!
Hero: Yay! Me too!
Foxxy: (to the others) Go get ready, y'all! As soon as Hero and me can make it down there, we're going to have our wedding on the beach!
Spanky: Yeah, you are!
Clara: Wait. How should we dress for this? Are we just going to wear our formal clothes on the beach? Won't that get awfully uncomfortable?
Foxxy: You can leave off the shoes, Clara.
Clara: (smiling) All right, I'm in! (She turns to Foxxy and Hero.) Okay, then. We'll leave you two to go get dressed, then. See you on the beach in about 15 minutes?
Foxxy: Make it 20. There's something Hero and I need to do first.
Hero: Oh?
Spanky: (grinning) Oh?
Foxxy: (not amused) Not THAT.
Spanky: (disappointed) Oh.
As Foxxy and Hero get out of bed, the others file out of the cabin.
Ling-Ling: (as they leave) Carla, is it okay if Ling-Ling bring Hello Kitty to wedding? He think he kind of owe it to her after accidentally giving her chicken pox.
Clara: I suppose, Ling-Ling.
Ling-Ling: By the way, Carla, once Hello Kitty chicken pox get better... Carla familiar with thing called... menage a trois?
Clara: (blushing) Oh, my!
The others are gone. As Hero and Foxxy start to get into their wedding clothes, Hero turns to her.
Hero: So what was that thing you wanted to do before the wedding, Foxxy?
Foxxy: I think there's a last minute guest we need to invite.
Hero: Oh, really?
Cut to Unusually Flexible Girl's cabin. She sits on her bed dressed in a green blouse and a skirt. Foxxy and Hero sit at a table in front of her.
UFG: Really? You want me to go to your wedding? After all the trouble I caused for you two?
Foxxy: You didn't cause any trouble, Unusually Flexible Girl. My paranoia did.
Hero: And my stupidity.
Foxxy: But we're past all that now. So I guess this isn't technically an invitation since you were technically already invited, but we just came here to let you know you don't need to feel like you have to stay away for our benefit. We seriously want you there.
UFG: Are you sure? I still think it might cause trouble.
Hero: We're sure. We wouldn't want you to miss this for the world, Mandy.
UFG: I wouldn't want to- (Suddenly, she notices something.) Wait. Did you just call me Mandy?
Hero: Yes. That's your name, isn't it?
UFG: Yes! Yes, it is! You finally got it right, Hero! (She runs up to him and throws her arms around him happily.) Thanks, Hero! You're the best! (Suddenly, she becomes fearful. She quickly lets go of Hero and turns to Foxxy apologetically.) I'm sorry, Foxxy! I didn't mean to-
Foxxy: It's all right, Mandy. Hero's your friend. You're allowed to hug him. I'm confident enough in our relationship to know that there's nothing sexual to it.
UFG stops and smiles for a moment. She then throws her arms around both of them.
UFG: Thanks, you guys. Seriously. This means the world to me.
Hero: I know.
UFG continues hugging Hero and Foxxy for a moment. Finally, she lets go of them and steps back.
UFG: Well, I guess I'd better start getting ready for the wedding, since you two seem to be having it right away! I'd better get dressed and- (Suddenly, a look of worry crosses her face.) Uh oh.
Hero: Uh oh what?
UFG: It just occurred to me. It was such a totally last minute decision to even come on this cruise... I completely forgot to pack a nice dress!
Foxxy: Well, that's okay. What you're wearing will be fine.
UFG: Really?
Foxxy: Really. You don't even have to put on shoes.
UFG: Awesome! Well, in that case, I'll see you guys on the beach in a few!
Foxxy: You will!
UFG looks at Foxxy, then at Hero, then at Foxxy again. She is on the verge of breaking into tears. Right as she is about to do so, she hugs Foxxy and Hero both once more.
UFG: Thanks again, you guys. You truly are the best friends a girl could hope for.
Foxxy: You're welcome, Mandy.
UFG: (strightening up) You know, a crisis like this not only would have broken most couples up, it would have made them completely eradicate the third person from their lives! But for it to bring out THIS kind of thing in you... maybe that's a sign that you two really are perfect for each other.
Foxxy: Thanks. I think so.
Hero: Me too.
UFG smiles and hugs Hero and Foxxy once again. As she continues hugging them, the scene fades. The scene fades back up on the beach a few minutes later. It is the middle of the wedding ceremony.
Wooldoor: And do you, Foxxy, take Hero to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, to love, honor, and cherish, and then do all kinds of nasty kinky stuff to after the wedding?
Foxxy: I do.
Wooldoor: And do you, Hero, take Foxxy to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, et cetera et cetera et cetera, until death or the Earth getting invaded by marriage-opposed aliens from another planet who may or may not be wearing hats do you part?
Hero: I do.
Wooldoor: Then by the powers vested in me by the state of Calif- oh, no! (Foxxy and Hero look at Wooldoor in alarm.) I just realized! We're in Hawaii! And my marriage license is based in California! I'm not authorized to marry you here!
Hero: Oh, you've got to be kidding me!
Wooldoor: Oh, whatever will we do? (Suddenly, an idea hits him.) Wait! (While the entire wedding party looks at Wooldoor with a mixture of impatience and confusion, Wooldoor grabs onto his head and proceeds to split himself in two. Both Wooldoors are wearing priest outfits. Wooldoor turns to his doppelganger.) You. Are you licensed to marry people in Hawaii?
Aloof Wooldoor: Yeah.
Wooldoor: (handing Aloof Wooldoor the Bible) Then get to it!
Aloof Wooldoor: (to Hero and Foxxy) Do you two take each other?
Foxxy: I do.
Hero: I do.
Aloof Wooldoor: Then by the powers vested in me by the state of Hawaii, I now prounounce you man and wife. You may now kiss the bride. Whee.
As the others look on the couple with excitement and happiness, Hero turns to Foxxy and proceeds to kiss her. There is a tremendous cheer from the assembled crowd. Hero and Foxxy continue to enjoy a very long, romantic kiss. In the crowd, we see Clara and Ling-Ling look at each other and smile, then Toot and Marty do the same. Wooldoor runs up to UFG and hugs her happily while Aloof Wooldoor walks over to Denise. Her expression has not changed.
Aloof Wooldoor: So you. I'm very drawn to you for some reason. You want to do something later?
Denise: Yeah, sure.
Aloof Wooldoor: I might get lucky tonight. I'm so thrilled. Whee.
Spanky turns to Dennis Franz.
Spanky: (pointing to Hero and Foxxy) So was it like this when Sipowicz and his wife got married?
Dennis: Almost. Except I gave MY wife the tongue- oh, wait, there it is. Never mind.
As Hero and Foxxy continue to kiss very passionately, the scene fades. It fades back up on the deck of the ship some time later. The rest of the group, with the exception of Hero and Foxxy, sits on deck discussing things.
Toot: Well, that was a very nice wedding, I have to admit.
Marty: Yeah, it was.
Wooldoor: (to UFG) We should totally come back here for our wedding, Mandy! When I turn legal, that is.
UFG: Oh, I'd love that, Wooldoor!
Wooldoor: (pointing to his twin) And HE can marry us!
Aloof Wooldoor: I can't wait. Whee.
Clara: You think Hero and Foxxy are going to be okay? They're going to be all alone on that island together having their honeymoon while the rest of us continue on the cruise.
Spanky: Yeah, Clara, they will. I don't know how, but somehow I think Hero and Foxxy will manage to survive without your clunky exposition.
Clara: Oh, good.
Wooldoor: (to UFG) And I think that we should get married the second I turn 18, and until then, we should have a no-sex pact just like Hero and Foxxy!
UFG: Well, we kind of already have a no-sex pact, Wooldoor. It's called "the law".
Spanky: Right. Cause we're all such law-abiding citizens around here.
The others chuckle. Toot shrugs. The camera pulls out to reveal a full view of the setting sun. The scene does not quite fade, however. The camera slowly drifts across the sea back to the island on which the wedding took place. We see Foxxy and Hero cuddling up in a hammock together. An ice bucket and a bottle of champagne sit on the ground next to them. Foxxy looks over at Hero.
Foxxy: Well, Hero? You ready to finally end it?
Hero: I'm ready!
Hero rolls into position and begins to make his move. However, right as he has gotten started, Foxxy suddenly stops.
Foxxy: Wait, Hero! Wait!
Hero: What? Foxxy, don't tell me you're having second thoughts!
Foxxy: No, it's just that I think I felt a snake crawl up into my cooch!
Hero: No, that was my penis.
Foxxy: Oh, right. I guess I just forgot what that feels like. Carry on, then.
As Hero and Foxxy begin to make love, the camera pulls out to reveal the setting sun against the backdrop of the island. The scene fades.
Joined: Jan 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 356 Location: New Jersey Karma: 11
Re: Drawn Together by Love: Episode 54 « Reply #2 on Nov 5, 2009, 1:07am »
Yay! The sequel! I'll just get right to it
Quote:
Toot:...And if you just FORGOT what happened in Part One, then you're probably the sort of person who'll forget to pick up your kids from school. So while you're scrambling out the door to go get those snot-nosed brats like you were supposed to do five hours ago, we'll get on with the story.
LOL, made me think of “yeah, I hate those little bastards!” and one of my biggest laughs from Alzheimer’s Ends Well. Also made me think about her past and future (?) motherhood. On one hand, I see the old Toot being the Mom who forgets to pick up her kids and then having a panic attack later…on the other hand, I can picture her being the kick-ass Mom who doesn’t take any crap from kids when they push the envelope, i.e. if her child were to say “You’re a mean Mom and I hate you,” she would say something like “Well, okay, but you’re still on time-out. Now go upstairs.”
Quote:
Foxxy: No, Hero. YOU stop! You stop encouraging that redheaded whore of an ex-girlfriend of yours before it leads to something actually happening between you two! Oh, wait. It already did!
Wow! I can EASILY hear Cree Summer doing an absolutely brilliant delivery here!
Quote:
Foxxy: Why should I believe you?
Hero: Because I'm telling the truth.
Foxxy: Hero, I once dated this guy who one day I happened to walk in on having sex with my best friend. His explanation was that he dropped his keys in her vagina and was fishing them out with his penis.
LOL, okay THIS by itself is funny, but then of course Hero says:
Quote:
Hero: Well, actually, I can see how that could happen. I mean, if she happens to sit down on your keys while she's naked, they could easily get stuck up there. And if you try to use a finger or something to fish them out, your nail could scratch the inside of her sugar walls, so if you think about it, sending the penis in is definitely the way to go in that case.
*shakes head * only Hero.
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Toot: I know what we'll do. We'll go talk to Foxxy again and then just follow her to the rehearsal. Or you can follow Foxxy. I'll follow Hero. I'd rather look at his butt than hers.
LOL, nice.
Quote:
Toot: So what's the big deal? I keep telling you, Clara, it's not like there was anything actually happening between them!
Clara: I know, just... there could be trouble, that's all.
Toot: Trouble? Come on, Clara. There won't be any trouble.
Cut back to Foxxy and Hero.
Foxxy: Of course there's going to be trouble! Honestly, Hero! What the hell were you thinking, going back to her place like that? So tell me this. Did you know before you went back there that you were going to sleep with her, or did you just barge into her place like an idiot, saw her there all pretty and... ex-girlfriendy... and decided, hey, as long as I'm here!
Great switch here
Quote:
UFG: No, Captain Hero. I am very much indisposed at the moment.
Hero: Indisposed? (He thinks for a minute.) What, are you naked?
UFG: Well, yes, but that's not really relevant to-
The door flings wide open. Hero barges in.
Hero: Then it's okay! I've seen you naked lots of times! We really don't have any secrets from each other on the nudity front at this point. (Hero sees UFG in bed. His eyebrows raise in surprise.) Oh, my!
The camera cuts to Unusually Flexible Girl. She has a sheet pulled up to her shoulders. We see that next to her in the bed is none other than Reverend Smack Daddy
ROFL! Bravo!!
Quote:
Clara: Oh, Wooldoor came around and started harassing me again for being a whore, so I ditched.
Toot: He wasn't harassing me for acting like a whore, but Clara happened to point out that Wooldoor was also a rabbi and that he could theoretically start laying the Jewish guilt thing on me if he wanted to, so I decided I'd better ditch too before he got started on that. (She turns to UFG.) Aren't rabbis the worst? (Smack Daddy starts to get up.)
LOL, oh he totally would! And I like Toot's casual "Aren't rabbis the worst?"
Quote:
Clara: How is you two hooking up even possible? I thought he had this big embargo on premarital sex.
Unusually Flexible sighs and takes a deep breath. She holds up her hand. There is a wedding band on her finger. The others draw back in surprise.
Toot: Oh, wow!
Clara: Oh, my!
Hero: Did you just do this to steal mine and Foxxy's thunder?
LOL, and I *could* see Hero going all Monica on the situation.
Quote:
Toot: Well... she's YOUR ex, and Reverend Smack Daddy is Foxxy's ex. Now both of them are paired up with each other and out of the way! You and Foxxy have nothing else to worry about! (At that moment, UFG buries her face in her hands and begins crying again. Clara and Hero looks at her with concern. Toot looks confused.) What?
And my first thought upon seeing them together was: “whoa, both exes hooking up, how’s that for weird!?” And it would be even weirder if Foxxy and UFG were best friends from way back, Hero and Smack Daddy were best friends from way back…but seeing that they aren’t, the “bros before hos, sisters before misters” unwritten rule doesn’t really carry much weight here.
Quote:
Reverend: Excuse me, fine lady. Is this seat taken?
UFG: (looking up to see Smack Daddy) No, not at all. Sit down. (As the scene in the bar continues to play out, we hear Toot's voice cut in, talking over the action.)
Toot: (voice over) Now hold on a second! A flashback within another flashback? Isn't that a bit much?
Foxxy: (voice over) Quiet, Toot. I think I'd like to hear Unusually Flexible Girl's side of events. She's a bit more reliable a narrator than Captain Hero.
Clara: (voice over) Yes, but her monologue is coming WITHIN a flashback by Captain Hero!
Foxxy: (voice over) Be that as it may.
Clara: (voice over) Does that phrase even MEAN anything?
LOL, only THIS group would argue over a flashback sequence
Quote:
UFG: So the next thing I knew, he had flagged down the captain of the ship and we got married right there in the bar. (She pauses briefly.) I knew it was a dumb idea. But the second he mentioned marriage... I snapped. I know that if I was in my right mind, I never would have agreed to it so quickly, but I was depressed and lonely, and thinking about Nana again... and suddenly all I could think about was the fact that I had a husband right there in front of me. Even if he wasn't exactly the kind of guy I'd bring home to Mother.
Oh man, this DOES make sense now. Given UFG’s history and Smack Daddy’s morals, I’m surprised this didn’t cross my mind right then and there. Nice work!
Quote:
Hero: (turning to UFG) What if I pushed him overboard for you? (UFG looks at him strangely.) I've killed before. I'm not proud of it. (He thinks for a minute.) Except Bambi. That little prick had it coming.
LOL!
Quote:
Foxxy looks at Hero for a moment, then hangs her head down and sighs.
Foxxy: My God.
Clara: Mine too!
ROFL, I don’t know how familiar you are with the Rocky Horror Picture Show & the audience participation…but there is a scene where Columbia starts her speech with “My God” and the audience says “Mine too!”
Quote:
Clara: (after a moment) So.
Toot: Yeah. (They pause. Toot turns back to Clara.) So get back in our swimsuits now?
Clara: Sure, why not? Might as well go be a whore for Wooldoor again.
LOL, that could SO be taken out of context! Although, if Clara were to get all pretend flirty with Wooldoor, just to mess with him, he would just do it right back! And it might look a lot like the Chandler/Phoebe scenario. Who would be the first to cave?
Quote:
Wooldoor walks over to UFG and sits down next to her. He takes her hand.
Wooldoor: Mandy, no. I don't want to judge you. I want to make you feel better.
UFG: (showing some hope) Really?
Wooldoor: Really. (He begins comforting her.) Now what's wrong?
UFG: Oh, Wooldoor, you wouldn't understand.
Wooldoor: They told me I wouldn't understand quantum physics, either, but I did. So go ahead and tell me what's going on.
Awwww, looks like the religious fanatic is gone and the sweet Wooldoor is back….especially here:
Quote:
UFG: Well... I came on this cruise to have a good time and share in the joy that two of my closest friends were getting married. But I couldn't do that because Foxxy got it into her head that I was trying to get Captain Hero back, so the two of them just kept shutting me out. All that did was just drive it deeper and deeper into my head how alone I was. I mean, I do kind of have a boyfriend, but he seemed to be a lot more concerned with following this other girl around than paying attention to ME.
Wooldoor: Really? That's terrible, Mandy! Who is this guy? I'm going to go give him a good punch in the face!
UFG: Um, you.
Without missing a beat, Wooldoor punches himself in the face extremely hard, knocking himself off the bed. He immediately gets back up, face bruised, sits back down on the bed, and puts his arm around UFG.
Wooldoor: Now, then. Continue.
That’s our Wooldoor!
Quote:
UFG: Not to mention the fact that there's constant temptation, and there's no real reason you two can't have sex. But if it was different... if something happened where you two COULDN'T have sex... I'm sure things would be different. Like if he lost his penis in a horrible smelting accident. Or if your vagina suddenly sprouted vicious teeth inside it.
Foxxy: Frankly, I'm not sure that would stop Captain Hero. But I get the gist of what you're saying.
LOL, made me think of a comment on a screen cap where Hero is checking out Clara’s Octopussoir, “that still is one fine looking vagina”
Quote:
Foxxy: I thought Spanky was your best friend.
Hero: Well, Spanky's my buddy. I mean, he's the guy I drink with, talk about women with, and pull crazy frat boy pranks with... but that's not a best friend. (He looks at Foxxy.) YOU'RE my best friend.
Foxxy: Oh, Hero...
Hero: Do you want to be that TOO, Foxxy? Then it's done! Let's go get some beers, make lewd remarks about the cruise director's ass, and then pants Wooldoor and throw him off the deck!
Clara: (her voice in the distance) Ooh! Can I be in on that?
ROFL! The THREE of them doing all those things? I can see that happening on the show! Cool Kids aside. But perhaps something like this:
We see Hero, Foxxy and Clara lounging by the pool. Hero and Foxxy chug their beers, then flatten the cans against their foreheads. Clara looks at her beer with disgust.
Clara: Ugh, I’d rather have a root beer.
Suddenly Denise walks by.
Hero: (snorting) Nice ass.
Denise: (turning around) Excuse me?
Foxxy: Oh, you WISH he was talking about you! I couldn’t bounce a quarter off that poor-excuse-for-a-booty unless there was some implants there! Girl, you've gots NOTHING!
Denise scowls. Hero and Foxxy turn to Clara.
Clara: What? Oh, um, yeah, if we all played um, ass-hide-and-seek, we would NEVER find yours! Because it's so, um, small. (Denise narrows her eyes at Clara)
Foxxy: (chuckling) Not bad, Clara. (Wooldoor suddenly appears)
Wooldoor: (chiming in) Yeah! Mine is WAY nicer than yours will ever be!
Wooldoor sticks his butt out for Denise to see. Foxxy, Hero and Clara look at each other, nod, then they get up and walk over to Wooldoor. Foxxy and Clara each grab an arm and lift him, and Hero swiftly yanks Wooldoor’s pants down to his ankles.
Wooldoor: HEY!
The three then carry a struggling and howling Wooldoor over to the railing and toss him over the side. We hear a splash.
Wooldoor: (from offscreen) Oh godammit you guys! What have I EVER done to you! (pause) Oh great, I lost my pants! Hey, wait a minute (gasps) MY SOCKS! NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Quote:
Foxxy: But the rest of that stuff... yes. I would very much like to accept those positions in your life.
Hero: (beginning to smile) You would?
Foxxy: (now smiling also) Yes. Yes, I would.
Hero's face lights up. He throws his arms around Foxxy. The two hug for a moment, then proceed to kiss. As they continue to kiss for several moments, the scene fades.
Awwww, beautifully done!
Quote:
Dennis: Yeah, well, my residual checks are running out and I need some more work. But anyway, we were doing an episode where Sipowicz decided to retire and become a fisherman. But I cast my rod to catch a fish and I ended up hooking a murderer instead! Do you remember that one?
Spanky: Not really. Did you show your naked butt in it?
Dennis: No.
Spanky: That's why I don't remember it, then. (Just then, Spanky feels a tug on his line.) Ooh, I got something! I stopped using the shiny lure, so it's probably not Wooldoor this time. (Spanky proceeds to reel in his catch. He pulls back the rod to reveal a light green bikini top.) Ooh! Nice! (Spanky takes the top off the hook.) A bikini top! (He starts to look around lasciviously.) Hmm, so where's the newly topless woman this belongs to?
Spanky glances to his right. The smile immediately leaves his face. We see Xandir walk up to Spanky using his hands to cover his breasts.
Xandir: You bastard!
LOL! Now are they breasts or moobs?
Quote:
Clara: All right, Wooldoor. Let's just get this over with.
Wooldoor: (turning to Clara, confused) Get what over with?
Clara: Well, I'm in my swimsuit which means I'm showing my legs AND my cleavage. Plus, I'm barefoot again and carrying that smutty book, and my hair STILL smells like berries. And to top it all off, Ling-Ling and I just had sex and enjoyed it immensely, and I'm not even pregnant from it!
Wooldoor: Um... good for you, Clara?
UFG: (to Wooldoor) What's she talking about, Wooldoor?
Wooldoor: I don't know. (He ignores Clara and turns his full attention on UFG once more.) So anyway, Mandy, was Smack Daddy better in bed than Captain Hero? It doesn't really matter, cause once I turn legal, I'm going to beat them both!
LOL, yep, he’s over it!
Quote:
Toot: So where's Ling-Ling?
Clara: Oh, he'll be along shortly. Right now he's apologizing to Hello Kitty for giving her a communicable disease.
Marty: Wait. The doll got a disease from Ling-Ling? But when- I mean... how-
Toot: Marty, you should know better by now than to ask things like that.
That’s right! Only on this show…and then:
Quote:
Toot: Okay, so if it wasn't Marty touching me, and it wasn't Spanky's fishing rod, then what was it I felt getting thrust up my-
At that moment, there is a giant splash. A dolphin suddenly surfaces in the pool right between Toot and Marty.
Dolphin: Kee-kee-kee-kee-keeeeeee!
Clara: Oh, my!
Marty: What the crap?
Toot: How did that thing make it through the filter?
The camera quickly cuts over to Wooldoor. He and UFG are playing pattycake- literally.
Awwww…like Roger and Jessica Rabbit!
Quote:
Wooldoor: Oh, boy! This is what I've been waiting for! (He springs up from his chair. Suddenly holding a fork in one hand, a bottle of hot sauce in the other, and wearing a bib around his neck, he jumps into the water.) Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
While Toot, Marty, and Clara look at the scene in complete confusion, Wooldoor dives toward the dolphin. He jumps onto the dolphin's back and tries to pour hot sauce onto its head. However, the dolphin bucks, sending Wooldoor tumbling, and makes a beeline toward the other end of the pool. Wooldoor takes off after it, accidentally bumping into Clara's leg in the process and causing her book to be sent flying toward the other end of the pool.
Toot: Oh, no, Clara! Your book! Want me to go get it for you and try to dry it out?
Clara: Eh, don't bother. I was getting kind of tired of it anyway. The more I read of that thing, the more glad I am to be married.
I like how no one is questioning Wooldoor’s antics.
Quote:
Hero: No, that's okay, Foxxy. I think I'll wait.
Foxxy: (not understanding at all) Really? You don't want to have sex now? But this is what you've been harassing me for practically the entire cruise!
Hero: I know, Foxxy. But now that I think about it... you were right. I don't want our relationship to be about nothing but the sex. I love you, Foxxy, and I want to prove that I love you enough to keep this pact. It's okay. I can be strong. As long as I have your love and companionship, that's good enough for me. I can get by without the sex until the wedding.
Foxxy: But Hero, we have no idea how long that's going to be. It could still be MONTHS before we have the wedding.
Hero: That's okay, Foxxy. I can wait.
Foxxy: Are you sure?
Hero: I'm sure.
Foxxy: You're definitely not tempted to have sex? Not even a little?
Hero: Nope. Not at all.
Foxxy: Even if I do this?
Without missing a beat, Foxxy reaches her hand under the covers. Hero is very much taken aback, but the look on his face makes it clear that he is quite excited.
Foxxy: So you like the groping, do you? You want to have sex now?
Hero: I do like the groping, I have to admit. (He looks at her with the same serious expression.) But I'm still going to have to say no on the sex thing.
Foxxy looks at Hero questioningly. He gives her a determined but reassuring look. She smiles at him. He smiles back. Hero returns to his spaghetti. Foxxy puts down the remote and snuggles back into bed with a very satisfied look on her face. The scene fades.
Wow, DEFINITELY not the Hero we would see on the show itself! And…with Hero continuing with the spaghetti, and Foxxy happily snuggling under the covers…already looks like a healthy marriage!
Quote:
Wooldoor: Guys! Guys! Guys! Guys! Guys! Guys! Guys! Guys! Wake up! Wake up!
LOL! Nice reprise to Wooldoor’s “Ritalinus Shouldatakus” bit
Quote:
Hero: Well... what do you think, Foxxy?
Foxxy: I don't know. It COULD work.
Hero: Right, but... remember all the trouble we got into rushing into things before? This would totally be rushing into things even worse!
Foxxy: Right, it would... but... (She looks at Hero, then at the others, then back at Hero once more.)
Hero: But...?
Foxxy: But... (Foxxy collects herself and looks at the others.) Screw that! (The others all start to become excited. Foxxy looks at Hero again.) Let's do it, Hero. Let's go get married today.
Hero: You're not worried about being too hasty?
Foxxy: Well, yes, Hero. It's true that sometimes you can get burned rushing into things too soon. But sometimes... you just have to take risks, you know? You have to strike while the opportunity is there. So maybe this is a bit rash, but... I want to get married on the beach!
Hero: Yay! Me too!
Woo-hoo! Beach wedding! Wow…glad it worked out this way! Much better setting than on the ship.
Quote:
Ling-Ling: (as they leave) Carla, is it okay if Ling-Ling bring Hello Kitty to wedding? He think he kind of owe it to her after accidentally giving her chicken pox.
Clara: I suppose, Ling-Ling.
Ling-Ling: By the way, Carla, once Hello Kitty chicken pox get better... Carla familiar with thing called... menage a trois?
Clara: (blushing) Oh, my!
Whoa!! Come on, she wouldn’t REALLY go for that, now would she?
Quote:
UFG: I wouldn't want to- (Suddenly, she notices something.) Wait. Did you just call me Mandy?
Hero: Yes. That's your name, isn't it?
UFG: Yes! Yes, it is! You finally got it right, Hero! (She runs up to him and throws her arms around him happily.) Thanks, Hero! You're the best! (Suddenly, she becomes fearful. She quickly lets go of Hero and turns to Foxxy apologetically.) I'm sorry, Foxxy! I didn't mean to-
Foxxy: It's all right, Mandy. Hero's your friend. You're allowed to hug him. I'm confident enough in our relationship to know that there's nothing sexual to it.
UFG stops and smiles for a moment. She then throws her arms around both of them.
Oh wow…this is all very, very sweet. And then…
Quote:
UFG: (strightening up) You know, a crisis like this not only would have broken most couples up, it would have made them completely eradicate the third person from their lives! But for it to bring out THIS kind of thing in you... maybe that's a sign that you two really are perfect for each other.
Seeing how disastrous things got before, yeah, I agree. Very well done. UFG really shines here, and throughout the story. On the show itself, she comes across as a very, very friendly, sensitive and emotional person, and all these qualities, along with some wisdom, really added to some powerful moments. EXCELLENT job! It was so nice to not only see so much of her, but of her at her best despite seeing her ex marry another - and even though it’s ALL good, deep down…it probably hurts a bit. But it’s clear that what would hurt a LOT more is not having this great couple in her life at ALL.
Quote:
Wooldoor: Then by the powers vested in me by the state of Calif- oh, no! (Foxxy and Hero look at Wooldoor in alarm.) I just realized! We're in Hawaii! And my marriage license is based in California! I'm not authorized to marry you here!
Hero: Oh, you've got to be kidding me!
Wooldoor: Oh, whatever will we do? (Suddenly, an idea hits him.) Wait! (While the entire wedding party looks at Wooldoor with a mixture of impatience and confusion, Wooldoor grabs onto his head and proceeds to split himself in two. Both Wooldoors are wearing priest outfits. Wooldoor turns to his doppelganger.) You. Are you licensed to marry people in Hawaii?
Aloof Wooldoor: Yeah.
Wooldoor: (handing Aloof Wooldoor the Bible) Then get to it!
ROFL! And then….
Quote:
Aloof Wooldoor: So you. I'm very drawn to you for some reason. You want to do something later?
Denise: Yeah, sure.
Aloof Wooldoor: I might get lucky tonight. I'm so thrilled. Whee.
ROFLMAO! Yep. Meant for each other, they are!
Quote:
The others chuckle. Toot shrugs. The camera pulls out to reveal a full view of the setting sun. The scene does not quite fade, however. The camera slowly drifts across the sea back to the island on which the wedding took place. We see Foxxy and Hero cuddling up in a hammock together. An ice bucket and a bottle of champagne sit on the ground next to them.
I’ve said it earlier, but…awwwwww! So sweet.
Quote:
Foxxy: Wait, Hero! Wait!
Hero: What? Foxxy, don't tell me you're having second thoughts!
Foxxy: No, it's just that I think I felt a snake crawl up into my cooch!
Hero: No, that was my penis.
Foxxy: Oh, right. I guess I just forgot what that feels like. Carry on, then.
Wow! And it’s not like it’s been THAT long since they did it, but….long enough for them. Pun intended.
Excellent work! And I just realized…I read this whole thing with various visuals in mind, and with all that was going on….I actually forgot that Foxxy is pregnant! Which, come to think of it, all those hormones going full throttle…yeah, it probably added even more fire to those angry outbursts. Anyway, again, great job! Already looking forward to the next one
Re: Drawn Together by Love: Episode 54 « Reply #3 on Nov 8, 2009, 9:14pm »
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Also made me think about her past and future (?) motherhood. On one hand, I see the old Toot being the Mom who forgets to pick up her kids and then having a panic attack later…on the other hand, I can picture her being the kick-ass Mom who doesn’t take any crap from kids when they push the envelope, i.e. if her child were to say “You’re a mean Mom and I hate you,” she would say something like “Well, okay, but you’re still on time-out. Now go upstairs.”
I think she'd be great at it. Yeah, there could be some issues when her temper got in the way, but ultimately, she'd grow into it and really be a devoted mom who sticks up for her kids when they need it.
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Foxxy: Why should I believe you?
Hero: Because I'm telling the truth.
Foxxy: Hero, I once dated this guy who one day I happened to walk in on having sex with my best friend. His explanation was that he dropped his keys in her vagina and was fishing them out with his penis.
LOL, okay THIS by itself is funny, but then of course Hero says:
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Hero: Well, actually, I can see how that could happen. I mean, if she happens to sit down on your keys while she's naked, they could easily get stuck up there. And if you try to use a finger or something to fish them out, your nail could scratch the inside of her sugar walls, so if you think about it, sending the penis in is definitely the way to go in that case.
*shakes head * only Hero.
It surprised me that I was still able to work humorous moments like this into a very intense scene without undermining the emotion of it.
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UFG: No, Captain Hero. I am very much indisposed at the moment.
Hero: Indisposed? (He thinks for a minute.) What, are you naked?
UFG: Well, yes, but that's not really relevant to-
The door flings wide open. Hero barges in.
Hero: Then it's okay! I've seen you naked lots of times! We really don't have any secrets from each other on the nudity front at this point. (Hero sees UFG in bed. His eyebrows raise in surprise.) Oh, my!
The camera cuts to Unusually Flexible Girl. She has a sheet pulled up to her shoulders. We see that next to her in the bed is none other than Reverend Smack Daddy
ROFL! Bravo!!
Thanks! I actually thought this one might be kind of predictable, but perhaps not.
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Clara: Oh, Wooldoor came around and started harassing me again for being a whore, so I ditched.
Toot: He wasn't harassing me for acting like a whore, but Clara happened to point out that Wooldoor was also a rabbi and that he could theoretically start laying the Jewish guilt thing on me if he wanted to, so I decided I'd better ditch too before he got started on that. (She turns to UFG.) Aren't rabbis the worst? (Smack Daddy starts to get up.)
LOL, oh he totally would! And I like Toot's casual "Aren't rabbis the worst?"
And don't forget, she's saying that to someone whose father is a rabbi. Not that UFG would necessarily disagree, of course.
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Reverend: Excuse me, fine lady. Is this seat taken?
UFG: (looking up to see Smack Daddy) No, not at all. Sit down. (As the scene in the bar continues to play out, we hear Toot's voice cut in, talking over the action.)
Toot: (voice over) Now hold on a second! A flashback within another flashback? Isn't that a bit much?
Foxxy: (voice over) Quiet, Toot. I think I'd like to hear Unusually Flexible Girl's side of events. She's a bit more reliable a narrator than Captain Hero.
Clara: (voice over) Yes, but her monologue is coming WITHIN a flashback by Captain Hero!
Foxxy: (voice over) Be that as it may.
Clara: (voice over) Does that phrase even MEAN anything?
LOL, only THIS group would argue over a flashback sequence
That's not all. At this point, we haven't yet gotten back to the frame story... which means that this whole scene is itself taking place within ANOTHER flashback.
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UFG: So the next thing I knew, he had flagged down the captain of the ship and we got married right there in the bar. (She pauses briefly.) I knew it was a dumb idea. But the second he mentioned marriage... I snapped. I know that if I was in my right mind, I never would have agreed to it so quickly, but I was depressed and lonely, and thinking about Nana again... and suddenly all I could think about was the fact that I had a husband right there in front of me. Even if he wasn't exactly the kind of guy I'd bring home to Mother.
Oh man, this DOES make sense now. Given UFG’s history and Smack Daddy’s morals, I’m surprised this didn’t cross my mind right then and there. Nice work!
It does make sense... to the point where again, I felt that this particular development would be predictable. But maybe I'm wrong.
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Foxxy looks at Hero for a moment, then hangs her head down and sighs.
Foxxy: My God.
Clara: Mine too!
ROFL, I don’t know how familiar you are with the Rocky Horror Picture Show & the audience participation…but there is a scene where Columbia starts her speech with “My God” and the audience says “Mine too!”
LOL wow. I honestly had never heard of that.
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Clara: (after a moment) So.
Toot: Yeah. (They pause. Toot turns back to Clara.) So get back in our swimsuits now?
Clara: Sure, why not? Might as well go be a whore for Wooldoor again.
LOL, that could SO be taken out of context!
Which was kind of the joke.
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Wooldoor walks over to UFG and sits down next to her. He takes her hand.
Wooldoor: Mandy, no. I don't want to judge you. I want to make you feel better.
UFG: (showing some hope) Really?
Wooldoor: Really. (He begins comforting her.) Now what's wrong?
UFG: Oh, Wooldoor, you wouldn't understand.
Wooldoor: They told me I wouldn't understand quantum physics, either, but I did. So go ahead and tell me what's going on.
Awwww, looks like the religious fanatic is gone and the sweet Wooldoor is back….
This was planned from the get-go. It was a great way to tie two of the threads together and resolve them at once.
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UFG: Not to mention the fact that there's constant temptation, and there's no real reason you two can't have sex. But if it was different... if something happened where you two COULDN'T have sex... I'm sure things would be different. Like if he lost his penis in a horrible smelting accident. Or if your vagina suddenly sprouted vicious teeth inside it.
Foxxy: Frankly, I'm not sure that would stop Captain Hero. But I get the gist of what you're saying.
LOL, made me think of a comment on a screen cap where Hero is checking out Clara’s Octopussoir, “that still is one fine looking vagina”
Couple of subtle film references in this passage. The smelting accident was a reference to Goldmember while the vagina with teeth refers to the movie Teeth.
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ROFL! The THREE of them doing all those things? I can see that happening on the show! Cool Kids aside. But perhaps something like this:
We see Hero, Foxxy and Clara lounging by the pool. Hero and Foxxy chug their beers, then flatten the cans against their foreheads. Clara looks at her beer with disgust.
Clara: Ugh, I’d rather have a root beer.
Suddenly Denise walks by.
Hero: (snorting) Nice ass.
Denise: (turning around) Excuse me?
Foxxy: Oh, you WISH he was talking about you! I couldn’t bounce a quarter off that poor-excuse-for-a-booty unless there was some implants there! Girl, you've gots NOTHING!
Denise scowls. Hero and Foxxy turn to Clara.
Clara: What? Oh, um, yeah, if we all played um, ass-hide-and-seek, we would NEVER find yours! Because it's so, um, small. (Denise narrows her eyes at Clara)
Foxxy: (chuckling) Not bad, Clara. (Wooldoor suddenly appears)
Wooldoor: (chiming in) Yeah! Mine is WAY nicer than yours will ever be!
Wooldoor sticks his butt out for Denise to see. Foxxy, Hero and Clara look at each other, nod, then they get up and walk over to Wooldoor. Foxxy and Clara each grab an arm and lift him, and Hero swiftly yanks Wooldoor’s pants down to his ankles.
Wooldoor: HEY!
The three then carry a struggling and howling Wooldoor over to the railing and toss him over the side. We hear a splash.
Wooldoor: (from offscreen) Oh godammit you guys! What have I EVER done to you! (pause) Oh great, I lost my pants! Hey, wait a minute (gasps) MY SOCKS! NOOOOOOOOOOO!
LOL nice!
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Spanky: That's why I don't remember it, then. (Just then, Spanky feels a tug on his line.) Ooh, I got something! I stopped using the shiny lure, so it's probably not Wooldoor this time. (Spanky proceeds to reel in his catch. He pulls back the rod to reveal a light green bikini top.) Ooh! Nice! (Spanky takes the top off the hook.) A bikini top! (He starts to look around lasciviously.) Hmm, so where's the newly topless woman this belongs to?
Spanky glances to his right. The smile immediately leaves his face. We see Xandir walk up to Spanky using his hands to cover his breasts.
Xandir: You bastard!
LOL! Now are they breasts or moobs?
Breasts.
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The camera quickly cuts over to Wooldoor. He and UFG are playing pattycake- literally.
Awwww…like Roger and Jessica Rabbit!
You caught that one!
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Wooldoor: Oh, boy! This is what I've been waiting for! (He springs up from his chair. Suddenly holding a fork in one hand, a bottle of hot sauce in the other, and wearing a bib around his neck, he jumps into the water.) Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
While Toot, Marty, and Clara look at the scene in complete confusion, Wooldoor dives toward the dolphin. He jumps onto the dolphin's back and tries to pour hot sauce onto its head. However, the dolphin bucks, sending Wooldoor tumbling, and makes a beeline toward the other end of the pool. Wooldoor takes off after it, accidentally bumping into Clara's leg in the process and causing her book to be sent flying toward the other end of the pool.
Toot: Oh, no, Clara! Your book! Want me to go get it for you and try to dry it out?
Clara: Eh, don't bother. I was getting kind of tired of it anyway. The more I read of that thing, the more glad I am to be married.
I like how no one is questioning Wooldoor’s antics.
You really can't at this point.
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Hero: No, that's okay, Foxxy. I think I'll wait.
Foxxy: (not understanding at all) Really? You don't want to have sex now? But this is what you've been harassing me for practically the entire cruise!
Hero: I know, Foxxy. But now that I think about it... you were right. I don't want our relationship to be about nothing but the sex. I love you, Foxxy, and I want to prove that I love you enough to keep this pact. It's okay. I can be strong. As long as I have your love and companionship, that's good enough for me. I can get by without the sex until the wedding.
Foxxy: But Hero, we have no idea how long that's going to be. It could still be MONTHS before we have the wedding.
Hero: That's okay, Foxxy. I can wait.
Foxxy: Are you sure?
Hero: I'm sure.
Foxxy: You're definitely not tempted to have sex? Not even a little?
Hero: Nope. Not at all.
Foxxy: Even if I do this?
Without missing a beat, Foxxy reaches her hand under the covers. Hero is very much taken aback, but the look on his face makes it clear that he is quite excited.
Foxxy: So you like the groping, do you? You want to have sex now?
Hero: I do like the groping, I have to admit. (He looks at her with the same serious expression.) But I'm still going to have to say no on the sex thing.
Foxxy looks at Hero questioningly. He gives her a determined but reassuring look. She smiles at him. He smiles back. Hero returns to his spaghetti. Foxxy puts down the remote and snuggles back into bed with a very satisfied look on her face. The scene fades.
Wow, DEFINITELY not the Hero we would see on the show itself!
Oh, no question. He's definitely grown quite a bit.
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Seeing how disastrous things got before, yeah, I agree. Very well done. UFG really shines here, and throughout the story. On the show itself, she comes across as a very, very friendly, sensitive and emotional person, and all these qualities, along with some wisdom, really added to some powerful moments. EXCELLENT job! It was so nice to not only see so much of her, but of her at her best despite seeing her ex marry another - and even though it’s ALL good, deep down…it probably hurts a bit. But it’s clear that what would hurt a LOT more is not having this great couple in her life at ALL.
Thanks. Like a lot of the characters I've written for, it was really nice to be able to give her some growth. And in this fic, we really see what she's capable of.
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Excellent work! And I just realized…I read this whole thing with various visuals in mind, and with all that was going on….I actually forgot that Foxxy is pregnant! Which, come to think of it, all those hormones going full throttle…yeah, it probably added even more fire to those angry outbursts.
Thanks! Even though I didn't directly refer to it that much, I was definitely keeping in mind Foxxy's condition. And yes, it did definitely add some stress to the situation. It was just a lot of things coming at her all at once... but in the end, with help from some friends, she was able to overcome them and get everything resolved.
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Anyway, again, great job! Already looking forward to the next one
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